New year resolutions......

LETS MAKE A NEW HORIZON.......

Be like waves...move with flow.....

Music....

IShh..ish..ish..budak budak zmn sekarang.....

Cikgu khartheeek, busy mengajari adik-adik kesayangannya... tapi apa dah jadi.....

aiyoooyo...ini apalah...semua adiknya sudah tidur....siapa dibalik buku itu....satu lagi kayak superman...

Tapi untuk posing semua.....korechel ella....

AAA...terimbe pakame poo...ella addi vilum....

Ahh,ini raj....mat rempit..,tapi time belajar dia belajar..time lepak dia maximum lepak....

Kadavule...kadaavule.....ena kodumai saravanan ithu.....

Newspaper cutting......

Sunday December 19, 2010

Support and train our docs

Thank you for highlighting the issues in healthcare and the training of doctors in the country (“Cleaning House”, Dec 12). As an anaesthetic registrar working in the United Kingdom, I am delighted to see an increase in the number of graduating doctors in Malaysia.
In line with the Government’s push to increase the number of doctors in the country, this situation would and should have been expected.
We must keep in mind that new doctors do not magically appear fully-trained and experienced. They require training and supervision, just like any other profession.
As such, it does not take a rocket scientist to work out that trainee numbers will go up in the coming years. Instead of making stopgap measures now, the Health Ministry should have realised this when they allowed the approval of new medical schools in the country, and put measures in place to accomodate these new doctors coming through the system.
I applaud steps to increase the number of training hospitals, and it is actually an excellent training ground for housemen especially in the smaller district hospitals.
The ratio as reported by Dr S. Jeyaindran of one house officer to four patients is arbitrary at best. I have never seen or heard of a ward of 20 patients where there are five housemen around.
One should also note that the workload of doctors vary greatly between specialities, especially on the ward. On acute medical wards, there is a higher proportion of acutely ill patients, and a high turnover (patients coming in and being discharged). These wards need more doctors on the floor.
On the other hand, an elective surgical ward would have a lower patient turnover.
It would actually be better for patient safety when housemen have less patients to look after.
If there are so many housemen, perhaps a reduction in the working hours would be welcomed as well, especially out of hours. This is to ensure young doctors do not burn out and lose interest.
Training doctors is expensive, hence we should look after them better. A proper induction and support programme when they enter service is vital.
In the case of the housemen not recognising a patient in distress, we do not know the full extent of the details, thus it is unfair for us to pass judgement. Patients can deteriorate rapidly, therefore in the wards in the UK we have alert scoring systems which chart their vital signs, and nurses are supposed to inform the doctors if certain scores are triggered.
The lack of knowledge in resuscitation is deplorable, and it is vital for hospitals to ensure staff are trained in resuscitation.
We need more doctors to look after an increasing and ageing population. Let us train and nurture these doctors. We will need them in the years to come.

From newspaper cutting.....

Cleaning house

By RICHARD LIM and LOH FOON FONG
educate@thestar.com.my

Concerns persist regarding the quality of medical graduates and the Government is preparing a number of initiatives to finetune the system.
HOW hard is it to tell the difference between a sleeping patient and a cyanosed one who is on course to meet his maker?
Observing the simple rise and fall of one’s chest would be a good start. Checking for a pulse would be another and observing that the patient has turned blue is an absolute must.

However, the obvious did not happen in the case of one Pak Abu, who was deemed to be sleeping by house officers.
Fortunately, an observant doctor on his last rounds came into the picture and Pak Abu was resuscitated.
The three house officers in charge, who graduated from Russian and Ukrainian universities, were reprimanded for negligence, and things went from bad to worse when it was discovered that they did not know the basics of resuscitation or what an oxygen face mask was.

Mohamed Khaled says agents are not appointed or recognised by the ministry.

The doctor who blogged about this was among the many who had been highlighting the urgent need to ensure the quality of housemen vis-a-vis their increasing numbers which was highlighted in The Star’s front page report two weeks ago.
The phenomena stemmed from the large number of medical students – at home and abroad – as well as the Health Ministry’s decision to increase the duration of housemanship, from one year to two years.
An overcrowding of housemen has occured at some of the nation’s 39 training hospitals, and senior Hospital Kuala Lumpur (HKL) consultant physician Datuk Dr S. Jeyaindran said that a houseman would normally look after four patients now — down from 10 five years ago.
“The concern is that these interns are seeing fewer patients and hence, have fewer opportunities to carry out adequate procedures.
“In some hospitals, there are more housemen than patients,” said Dr Jeyaindran, who is also the head of medicine at the Health Ministry.

Liow says housemen would be trained at six new hospitals.

Different worlds
Following the influx of housemen, senior doctors have sounded the alarm that an over-emphasis on numbers could come at the expense of quality.
They were particularly concerned with medical graduates from Russia, Ukraine, Indonesia and India, whom they said lacked core knowledge and basic expertise in treating patients.
Although all medicals schools should share a universal purpose - saving lives - differences in pedagogy and clinical procedures put some graduates on the back foot when they return to Malaysia.
And this was the case for a Ukrainian university graduate who endured a torrid time in his attachment at a local hospital.
“Many doctors were unhappy that we (housemen from Russia and Ukraine) don’t follow the British system,” he said.
“The terminologies we used were not accepted although they denote the same meaning. This led some to develop the misconception that graduates of Eastern European medical schools lack the necessary knowledge to perform,” he said.
A source said that the emphasis on the study of diseases was also different to a certain extent, as medical schools in a particular country would naturally cater to the common ailments of its citizens.

Dr Quek has blogged about quality concerns at private medical schools in Malaysia.

He added that housemen who studied medicine in Eastern Europe lack exposure to tropical diseases and had to brush up on their theoretical and clinical knowledge upon their return.
If there are already so many problems with accredited foreign universities, what should we expect of unaccredited institutions — with poor living conditions, inadequate facilities and lecturers of suspect quality?
And there is the eyebrow raising issue of foreign medical schools accepting students with Arts backgrounds.
The problem is not a new one. In 2005, the Crimea State Medical University was de-listed by the Malaysian Medical Council (MMC) for doing exactly that, among other things.
Giving credit where credit is due, the MMC acted upon complaints by whistle-blowers and the problem was rectified.
Task forces were sent out to check on errant medical schools overseas and warnings were served to foreign medical schools which were found wanting.
Shady dealings
The adage goes, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” But who are the tough and where do they go?
A houseman who spoke to The Star on condition of anonymity joked that the tough are those who are hell-bent on receiving an MBBS even though they lack the necessary grades.

Prof Radin Umar says the NOC is only issued to students who will read accredited medical programmes.

And in that advent, there would only be one logical place to go to – an unrecognised medical school abroad.
This process normally involves the services of agents who talk parents into parting with hundreds of thousands of ringgit to enrol their child into a shoddy institution – pocketing a fat commission fee in the process.
It must be noted that many parents are often fooled by a ruse, and this was the case for one Ukrainian graduate.
“The agent told me that the university would be recognised ‘soon’, but I’ve graduated and it still hasn’t happened,” he said.
Hitting out at the unscrupulous practice, Higher Education Minister Datuk Seri Mohamed Khaled Nordin urged potential medical students to tread with caution whenever agents come into the picture.
“The ministry does not appoint or recognise agents,” he told The Star. “We have no link with them and we are not responsible for their activities in sending low quality students overseas.

Dr Jeyaindran says in some hospitals, there are more housemen than patients.

“Continuous reminders to the public are given through the ministry’s website.”
Back to the shady world of wheeling and dealing, agents are often identified by their insistence that students would not need to obtain a non-objection certificate (NOC) – a certificate issued by the ministry to qualified students – in order to study at various medical schools overseas.
In the past, such advertisements were even seen in papers, and agents made a killing by preying on unsuspecting – and often the uninformed – parents.
Shedding light on the topic, Higher Education director-general Prof Datuk Dr Radin Umar Radin Sohadi said that the NOC, in effect for the past eight years, was a mechanism to prevent parents from getting cheated by agents.
“The NOC is only issued to students who will read accredited medical programmes overseas.
“Additionally, it is a mechansim for sponsors to award scholarships or loans. In most countries, the NOC is also needed for visa renewal,” he said.
Review of criteria
Although greater understanding of the NOC’s significance has helped matters over the years, a recent case involving Mansoura University in Egypt showed that agents are still very much in business.
A taskforce that was sent to the university discovered that a sizeable number of Malaysian students did not possess the NOC.

A houseman would normally look after four patients now, down from 10 five years ago, raising concern that interns have fewer opportunities to carry out adequate procedures.

The findings were alarming and the Higher Education Ministry was particularly concerned as Mansoura – fully accredited by the MMC – receives government-sponsored students from the Public Services Department (JPA) and Mara.
It was later disclosed that the students had enrolled with the help of agents, and concerns were raised as agents now had accredited universities in their clientele.
Commenting on the case, a source in the MMC said the agents were pushing their luck by hoping the Government would not reject the graduates as the universities are accredited.
There are currently 926 Malaysian students in Mansoura. The varsity’s homegrown medicine programme has 493 students while the remainder are reading a twinning programme involving the University of Manchester.
Mohamed Khaled said that a joint working group between Malaysia and Egypt had already been set up to discuss and review the criteria of students that would be sent to Egypt for medical programmes in the future.
Under the new ruling, only qualified students – those who possess the minimum academic results and NOCs – will be considered for medical programmes in Egypt.
The ministry’s swift action appears to have effectively countered the movements of agents in Egypt and the establishment of similar committees with other nations might just nip the problem in the bud.
But as they say, change is the only constant and one wonders whether it is a case of check or checkmate for the agents.
The home front
Although foreign universities took most of the brunt, local higher education institutions did not escape unscathed.
A private provider was alleged to have lowered entry requirements in order to fill its initial student intakes, and others were alleged to lack experienced teachers and adequate facilities.
Other concerns include the increasing number of medical programmes offered by private providers, with some offering up to two intakes a year instead of the usual one.
In his blog, Malaysian Medical Association president Dr David Quek said that private providers prioritise public demand over the capacity of delivery in terms of teaching staff and appropriate standards.
Dr Quek said that the increasing number of private institutions had resulted in a shortage of experienced senior clinical staff, and junior specialists who lack experience are hired to teach students.
He added that non-clinical teachers, who cannot be registered as doctors in Malaysia, were imported from neighbouring nations to fill the quota of teaching staff.
As for students, Dr Quek said that many were left on their own to muddle along.
A senior consultant who declined to be named also said that the establishment of private medical schools – at an average rate of one or two a year – over the last decade had lowered the entry requirement of students since these schools required numbers to be profitable.
Others experessed concern that the promotion of Malaysia as a medical hub would add further strain on public hospitals as talent was expected to move to the private sector.
Concerned senior doctors are urging the Government to intervene before it is too late.
Many advocate amending the Medical Act 1971 to make the Medical Qualifying Examination compulsory for all students, as students from recognised schools could also fall short of expected standards.
The removal of the list of recognised basic medical degrees - in the second schedule of the Act - was also proposed.
However, the doctors are divided when it comes to implementation.
Some propose that only graduates from foreign schools should be affected as the entire procedure would be easier to monitor.
However, a consultant said that the standard of final exams in local universities varied widely, and some varsities attempt to pass as many students as possible to look good on paper.
Currently, the exam is only administered to students from unrecognised foreign medical schools.
A senior doctor said the idea of the amendment has been discussed with the Health Ministry, but a solution had not been implemented because local universities wanted to be exempted and prestigious universities in Britain and Australia would likely object as well.
A medical lecturer who declined to be named said that the criteria of the qualifying examination should be made known in advance so that students know what was required of them.
Highlighting the case of a top student from a Ukrainian university who failed the exam, the lecturer said that the different methods of training was an obstacle too big for some.
“No matter how diligent and conscientious students are, the chances of them passing the exam seems next to impossible,” he said.
He said that different examination formats, a student’s unfamiliarity with local practices and the lack of training in medical school were possible causes of their failure.
Concerted efforts
The Government has taken note of the grouses and Mohamed Khaled confirmed that a five-year moratorium on medical programmes in Malaysia was being prepared by the Higher Education and Health Ministries.
“The moratorium is in the final stage of preparation and it will reduce or stop higher education institutions from offering new programmes as the current capacity will be able to meet national targets,” said Mohamed Khaled.
The move is similar to the Higher Education Ministry’s freeze on the number of nursing colleges in the country.
And the moratorium isn’t the only catalyst for change.
The debate on the quality of housemen has made it to the Dewan Rakyat and Health Minister Datuk Seri Liow Tiong Lai said last Monday that six hospitals — in Kuala Krai and Tanah Merah, Kelantan; Segamat, Johor; Lahad Datu, Sabah, Bintulu and Sarikei, Sarawak — would be upgraded to specialist hospitals which train housemen.
With the new avenues, house officers could be deployed in a more efficient manner. Liow said measures had already been taken to ensure quality.
The minister said that the ideal specialist to houseman ratio was 1:5 and each houseman should take care of 14 hospital beds, depending on discipline.
Liow also said that his ministry would be getting 58 contract specialists from Egypt, India and Pakistan next month to supervise housemen.
Liow added that his ministry would look into the possibility of amending the Medical Act 1971 to make the Medical Qualifying Examination compulsory for all medical students.
That said, the relevant ministries have responded with strong statements of intent in the past week and the challenge now is for the Government to strike the right balance.
A balance which ensures that the pursuit of national goals – achieving a doctor to patient ratio of 1:400 by 2020 and the rise of Malaysia as a medical hub – does not compromise the quality of healthcare service in any way.
The road ahead will be tough and if the number of grouses pertaining to the houseman glut are anything to go by, the balancing act will be a fine one indeed.

Randomzzzzzzzzzzzz..........

 AAA Group-hmmm mana abang khartheek???

 ANJILINE INI isykkk...ketawa

amboi.....

 

 ishhh....kenapa begini....!!!

 Apa dah jadi....

 Promosi bracess...hehehe just joking...

 Biar kompak selalu ya....dei puvanandah...apa lu ketawa sikit lebih

 Kakak-kakak kelas dan satu mahkluk dari Neptune....

 Segaknya

 Tak henti-henti posing.......

 Bagai cawan dipinang Mai....buat promosi ke...

Semua orang karenah mereka sendiri......ini just random picture je....relakslah kawan......

Excellent,,,,

"EIGHT LIES OF A MOTHER"

The story began when I was a child. I was born as a son of a poor family.
Even for eating, we often got lack of food. Whenever the time for eating, mother often gave me her portion of rice. While she was removing her rice into my bowl, she would say "Eat this rice, son. I'm not hungry".
That was Mother's First Lie.

When I was getting to grow up, the persevering mother gave her spare time for fishing in a river near our house, she hoped that from the fishes she got, she could gave me a little bit nutritious food for my growth. After fishing, she would cook the fishes to be a fresh fish soup, which raised my appetite. While I was eating the soup, mother would sit beside me and eat the rest meat of fish, which was still on the bone of the fish I ate. My heart was touched when I saw it. I then used my chopstick and gave the other fish to her. But she immediately refused it and said "Eat this fish, son. I don't really like fish."
That was Mother's Second Lie.

Then, when I was in Junior High School, to fund my study, mother went to an economic enterprise to bring some used-matches boxes that would be stuck in. It gave her some money for covering our needs. As the winter came, I woke up from my sleep and looked at my mother who was still awoke, supported by a little candlelight and within her perseverance she continued the work of sticking some used-matches box.
I said, "Mother, go to sleep, it's late, tomorrow morning you still have to go for work. "Mother smiled and said "Go to sleep, dear. I'm not tired."
That was Mother's Third Lie.

At the time of final term, mother asked for a leave from her work in order to accompany me. While the daytime was coming and the heat of the sun was starting to shine, the strong and persevering mother waited for me under the heat of the sun's shine for several hours. As the bell rang, which indicated that the final exam had finished, mother immediately welcomed me and poured me a glass of tea that she had prepared before in a cold bottle. The very thick tea was not as thick as my mother's love, which was much thicker. Seeing my mother covering with perspiration, I at once gave her my glass and asked her to drink too. Mother said "Drink, son. I'm not thirsty!".
That was Mother's Fourth Lie.

After the death of my father because of illness, my poor mother had to play her role as a single parent. By held on her former job, she had to fund our needs alone. Our family's life was more complicated. No days without sufferance. Seeing our family's condition that was getting worse, there was a nice uncle who lived near my house came to help us, either in a big problem and a small problem. Our other neighbors who lived next to us saw that our family's life was so unfortunate, they often advised my mother to marry again. But mother, who was stubborn, didn't care to their advice, she said "I don't need love."
That was Mother's Fifth Lie.

After I had finished my study and then got a job, it was the time for my old mother to retire. But she didn't want to; she was sincere to go to the marketplace every morning, just to sell some vegetable for fulfilling her needs. I, who worked in the other city, often sent her some money to help her in fulfilling her needs, but she was stubborn for not accepting the money. She even sent the money back to me. She said "I have enough money."
That was Mother's Sixth Lie.

After graduated from Bachelor Degree, I then continued my study to Master Degree. I took the degree, which was funded by a company through a scholarship program, from a famous University in America . I finally worked in the company. Within a quite high salary, I intended to take my mother to enjoy her life in America. But my lovely mother didn't want to bother her son, she said to me "I'm not used to."
That was Mother's Seventh Lie.

After entering her old age, mother got a flank cancer and had to be hospitalized. I, who lived in miles away and across the ocean, directly went home to visit my dearest mother. She lied down in weakness on her bed after having an operation.
Mother, who looked so old, was staring at me in deep yearn. She tried to spread her smile on her face, even it looked so stiff because of the disease she held out. It was clear enough to see how the disease broke my mother's body, thus she looked so weak and thin.
I stared at my mother within tears flowing on my face. My heart was hurt, so hurt, seeing my mother on that condition. But mother, with her strength, said "Don't cry, my dear. I'm not in pain."
That was Mother's Eight Lie.

After saying her eighth lie, She closed her eyes forever!

Meaning of 7 keajaiban dunia.....never thought of this...

!!!!!!!

keajaiban dunia
1. Piramida
2. Taj Mahal
3. Tembok Besar Cina
4. Kuil Ankor
5. Menara eiffel
6. Borobudur

7. Dll....

 atau

 

1. Bisa melihat
2. Bisa mendengar
3. Bisa menyentuh
4. Bisa menyayangi
(Dia ragu sebentar,dan kemudian melanjutkan…)
5. Bisa merasakan
6. Bisa Tertawa
7. Dan bisa mencintai

BM is FUNLAH WEI.......enjai

Bersatu kita teguh, bertiga kita Charlie's Angles

Sepandai-pandainya tupai melompat pasti di sate juga.

Dimana ada jalan, disitu banyak mobil

Ringan sama dipikul, berat minta bawain

Fun Facts.....

A good laugh also increases our heart rate, helps us breathe more deeply, and stretches many different muscles in our face and upper body. In fact, it is like a mini work-out – a quick visit to the giggle gym.

Meaning of Beauty in different Languages.....

Arabic: جَمال
Chinese (Simplified): 美丽
Chinese (Traditional): 美麗
Czech: krása
Danish: skønhed
Dutch: schoonheid
Estonian: ilu
Finnish: kauneus
French: beauté
German: die Schönheit
Greek: ομορφιά
Hungarian: szépség
Icelandic: fegurð
Indonesian: kecantikan
Italian: bellezza
Japanese: 美
Latvian: skaistums; daiļums
Lithuanian: grožis
Norwegian: skjønnhet
Polish: piękno, uroda
Portuguese (Brazil): beleza
Portuguese (Portugal): beleza
Romanian: frumuseţe
Russian: красота
Slovak: krása
Slovenian: lepota
Spanish: belleza
Swedish: skönhet
Turkish: güzellik

beauty 2

a woman or girl having such a quality

Example: She was a great beauty in her youth.

Arabic: حَسْناء
Chinese (Simplified): 美人
Chinese (Traditional): 美人
Czech: krasavice
Danish: skønhed
Dutch: schoonheid
Estonian: kaunitar
Finnish: kaunotar
French: beauté
German: die Schönheit
Greek: καλλονή
Hungarian: szépség
Icelandic: fögur kona
Indonesian: gadis cantik
Italian: bellezza
Japanese: 美女
Latvian: skaistule
Lithuanian: gražuolė
Norwegian: skjønnhet
Polish: piękność
Portuguese (Brazil): beldade
Portuguese (Portugal): beleza
Romanian: frumuseţe
Russian: красавица
Slovak: kráska
Slovenian: lepotica
Spanish: belleza
Swedish: skönhet
Turkish: güzel(kız, *kadın), huri

beauty 3

something or someone remarkable

Example: His new car is a beauty!

Arabic: شَيء جَميل
Chinese (Simplified): 美的东西
Chinese (Traditional): 美的東西
Czech: nádhera
Danish: pragteksemplar
Dutch: pracht(stuk)
Estonian: tõeline pärl
Finnish: helmi
French: merveille
German: das Prachtstück
Greek: χάρμα
Hungarian: csodás vmi
Icelandic: gersemi
Indonesian: hebat
Italian: meraviglia
Japanese: すばらしいもの
Latvian: skaistulis
Lithuanian: grožybė
Norwegian: praktstykke, *-eksemplar
Polish: cudo
Portuguese (Brazil): beleza
Portuguese (Portugal): beleza
Romanian: minune
Russian: прелесть
Slovak: nádhera
Slovenian: čudo
Spanish: belleza, monada, guapada
Swedish: pärla, praktexemplar
Turkish: nefis şey, güzel şey

Amazing rite.......

The Fart Name List

The Alarm Fart - This is a good fart for the beginner. It is easy to identify. It starts with a loud unnaturally high note, wavers like a siren, and ends with a quick downward note that stops before you expect it to. It sounds like something is wrong. If it happens to you, you will know right off why it is called the Alarm Fart. You will be alarmed. The alarm fart however is rare.

The Amplified Fart - This is any fart that gets its power more from being amplified than from the fart itself. A metal porch swing will amplify a fart every time. So will a plywood table,and empty fifty gallon drum, a tin roof, or some empty cardboard boxes if they are strong through being amplified in this way can be called an Amplified Fart. These are common farts under the right conditions. For example, if you're sitting on an empty 55-gallon steel drum.

The Anticipated Fart - This one warns that it is back there waiting for some time before it arrives. A person who is uneasy for a time in a crowd and who later farts at a time when they think no one will notice has farted an Anticipated Fart.

The Back Seat Fart - This is a fart that occurs only in automobiles. It is identified chiefly by odor. The Back Seat Fart can usually be concealed by traffic noise as it is an eased-out fart and not very loud. But its foul odor will give it away, due to the way air moves around in a car. It is often followed by someone saying, "Who farted in the back seat?"

The Barn Owl Fart - A familiarity with owl calls is helpful in identifying this fart. Almost any morning if you get up just before daybreak you can hear one of these birds talking to himself. It's a sort of a crazy laugh, particularly the way it ends. If you hear a fart that has about eight notes in it, ending on a couple of down notes, and it sounds maniacal, you have heard the rare Barn Owl Fart.

The Bathtub Fart - People who would never in their life know one fart from another, who would like to act like fart don't exist, will have to admit that a Bathtub Fart is something special. It is the only fart you can see! What you see is the bubbles. The Bathtub Fart can be either single or multiple noted and fair or foul as to odor. It makes no difference. The farter's location is what does it. Maybe there is a kind of muffled pong and one big bubble. Or there may be a ping ping ping and a bunch of bubbles. The sound I should point out depends somewhat on the depth of the water, and even more on the tub. If it is one of those big old heavy tubs with the funny legs you can get terrific sound effects. While one of the new thin ones half buried in the floor can be disappointing.

The Biggest Fart in the World Fart - Like the great bald eagle, this fart is pretty well described just by its name. This can either be a group one or a group two fart and can occur just about anywhere. I heard it one time, a group two identification, in a crowded high school auditorium one night, right in that silence that happens when a room full of people has stopped singing the Star Spangled Banner and sat down. It came from the back. There was not a soul in that room that missed it. A fart like that can be impressive. The most diagnostic characteristic of the Biggest Fart In The World is it size.Fart freaks who go around showing off, farting like popcorn machines, and making faces before they fart or asking you to pull their finger and then they fart, never have what it takes for this one, which is rare even among your most serious farter's.

The Bitburr: Sounds like just that--you're walking and the initial explosion "BIT!--" during one step is followed by a more gentle release of the rest of the volume during the next step: "brrrrrr..."

The Bullet Fart - Its single and most pronounced diagnostic characteristic is its sound. It sounds like a rifle shot. The farter can be said to have snapped it off. It can startle spectators and farter alike. Fairly common following the eating of the more common fart foods, such as beans.

The Burning Brakes Fart - A silent fart identified by odor alone. Usually and adult fart, occurring while the adult is driving a car or has a front seat passenger who farts. The Burning Brakes Fart actually does smell a little like burning brakes, and seems to hang around longer than most farts Which gives whoever farted a chance to make a big show of checking to see if the emergency brake has been left on. When he finds it hasn't you know who farted. A common automobile fart.

The Car Door Fart - Either a group one or a group two fart. Very tricky. It is meant to be a concealed fart. A matter of close timing is involved, the farter trying to fart at the exact moment he slams the car door shut. It is usually a good loud fart. It is one of the funnier farts when it doesn't work, which is almost every time. It is a desperation fart and not too common.

The Celestial Fart - Not to be confused with the Did An Angel Speak Fart, which is simply any loud fart in church. The Celestial Fart is soft and delicate, surprising in a boy or an adult. It is probably the most shy of all farts and might be compared with the wood thrush, a very shy bird. It does not have the sly or cunning sound of the Whisper Fart. It is just a very small clear fart with no odor at all. Very rare.

The Chicken Soup Fart: One day I had chicken soup for lunch at work and then stopped off at the gym after work. When it came on, I eased it out, covered by the gym's muzak. It smelled exactly like chicken soup. A few feet away some woman sniffed and said; "Is somebody cooking?" I had to turn to the wall to hide my laughter.

The Chinese Firecracker Fart - This is an exceptional multiple noted fart identified by the number, and variety of its noises, mostly pops and bangs. Often when you think it is all over, it still has a few pops and bangs to go. In friendly company this one can get applause. Uncommon.

The Command Fart - This fart differs from the Anticipated Fart in that it can be held for long periods of time waiting for the right moment. Unlike the Anticipated Fart, it is intended to be noticed. Harold Tabor recently held a Command Fart for the whole period in history class and let it go right at the end when the teacher asked if there were any questions.

The Common Fart - This fart needs little description. It is to the world of farts what the house sparrow is to the world of birds. I can see no point in describing this far any further.

The Crowd Fart - The Crowd Fart is distinguished by its very potent odor, strong enough to make quite a few people look around. The trick here is not to identify the fart but the farter. This is almost impossible unless the farter panics, and starts a fit of coughing or starts staring at the ceiling or the sky as though something up there fascinates him. In which case he is the one. Very common.

The Cushioned Fart - A concealed fart, sometimes successful. The farter is usually on the fat side, sometimes a girl. They will squirm and push their butt way down into the cushions of a sofa or over-stuffed chair and ease-out a fart very carefully without moving then or for some time after. Some odor may escape, but usually not much. Common with some people.

The Did An Angel Speak Fart - This is any loud fart in church. This fart was first called to my attention by my father. He probably read about it somewhere. For fart watchers who go to church, this is a good one to watch for as this is the only place it can be found.

The Dud Fart - The Dud Fart is not really a fart at all. It's a fart that fails. For this reason it is strictly a group one identification fart, because there is no real way you can identify a fart that somebody else expected to fart but didn't. It is the most private of all farts. In most cases the farter usually feels a little disappointed.

The Echo Fart - This is a fart that can be wrongly identified. It is not some great loud fart in an empty gym or on the rim of the Grand Canyon. The true Echo Fart is a fart that makes its own echo. It is a two-toned fart, the first tone loud, then a pause, and then the second tone. Like an echo.

The G and L Fart - This is one of the most ordinary and pedestrian of farts, known to everyone. Certainly it is the least gross. If you have not already guessed, G and L stands for Gambled and Lost. One of the most embarrassing of all farts, even when you are alone.

The Ghost Fart - A doubtful fart in most cases, as it is supposed to be identified by odor alone and to occur, for instance, in an empty house. You enter and smell a fart, yet no one is there. People will insist that only a fart could have that odor, but some believe it is just something that happens to smell like a fart.

The Hic-Hachoo-Fart Fart - This is strictly an old lady's fart. What happens is that the person manages to hiccough, sneeze, and fart all at the same time. After an old lady farts a Hic-Hachoo-Fart Fart she will usually pat her chest and say, "My, oh my," or "Well, well." There is no reason she should not be proud, as this is probably as neat an old person's fart as there is.

The Jerk Fart - The Jerk Fart is a fart by a jerk who smirks, smiles, grins, and points to himself in case you missed it. It is usually a single-noted, off-key, fading away, sort of whistle fart, altogether pitiful, but the jerk will act as if he has just farted the Biggest Fart in the World Fart.

The John Fart - The John Fart is simply any ordinary fart farted on the john. It is naturally a group one identification, with the sound, whatever it was, somewhat muffled. If it is all the person's trip to the john amounted to he will be disappointed for sure. Common as pigeons.

The Lead Fart - The heaviest of all farts. It sounds like a dropped ripe watermelon. Or a falling body in some cases. It is the only fart that goes thud. Except for the odor, which is also very heavy, it could be missed altogether as a fart. What was that, you might think? And never guess.

The Malted Milk Ball Fart - Odor alone is diagnostic and positively identifies this fart. It smells exactly like malted milk balls. No other food works this way. It is rare.

The Oh My God Fart - This is the most awful and dreadful stinking of all farts - a fart that smells like a month-old rotten egg - as the Oh My God Fart. If you should ever encounter it, however, you may first want to say, oh sh*t, which would be understandable.

The Omen Fart - This is the adult version of the Poo-Poo Fart. About the only difference is that the farter will not say anything. He will just look kind of funny and head for the john. This one is easy to spot if you pay attention.

The Organic Fart - Sometimes called the Health Food Nut Fart. The person who farts an Organic Fart may be talking about the healthy food he eats even when he farts. If he is heavily into health foods he may even ask if you noticed how good and pure and healthy his fart smells. It may smell to you like any other fart, but there is no harm in agreeing with him. He is doing what he thinks is best.

The Quiver Fart - A group one identification fart only. When you fart, it quivers. If it tickles, then it is the Tickle Fart. If you have to scratch it, then it is the Scratchass Fart.

The Rambling Phaduka Fart - You must not be fooled by its pretty-sounding name, as this is one of the most frightening of all farts. It is frightening to farter and spectator alike. It has a sound of pain to it. What is most diagnostic about it, however, is its length. It is the longest-lasting fart there is. It will sometimes leave the farter unable to speak. As though he has had the wind knocked out of him. A strong, loud, wavering fart, it goes on for at least fifteen seconds.

The Relief Fart - Sound or odor don't matter on this one. What matters is the tremendous sense of relief that you have finally farted. Some people will even say, "Wow, what a relief." Very common.

The Reluctant Fart - This is probably one of the oldest farts known to man. The Reluctant Fart is a fart that seems to have a mind of its own. It gives the impression that it likes staying where it is. It will come when it is ready, not before. This can take half-a-day in some instances.

The Rusty Gate Fart - The sound of this fart seems almost impossible for a fart. Is is the most dry and squeaky sound a fart can make. The Rusty Gate Fart sounds as if it would have worked a lot easier if it had been oiled. It sounds like a fart that hurts.

The S.B.D. Fart - S.B.D. stands for Silent But Deadly. This is no doubt one of the most common farts that exists. No problem of identification with this one.

The Sandpaper Fart - This one scratches. Otherwise it may not amount to much. You should remember that if you reach back and scratch, it automatically becomes a Scratchass Fart. Common.

The Shower Fart: These are a lot worse than bathtub farts, due to conditions of humidity and heat. George Carlin once said that you can tolerate the smell of your own farts, but shower farts are the exception to that rule.

The Skillsaw Fart - A truly awesome fart. It vibrates the farter. Really shakes him up. People back away. It sounds like an electric skillsaw ripping through a piece of half-inch plywood. Very impressive. Not too common.

The Snart: This is a fart that you succeed in suppressing so as not to not to offend, but then a sneeze jars it loose.

The Sonic Boom Fart - The people who believe in this fart claim it is even bigger than the Biggest Fart In The World Fart. The Sonic Boom Fart is supposed to shake the house and rattle the windows. This is ridiculous. No fart in the world shakes houses and rattles windows. A fart that could do that would put the farter into orbit or blow his crazy head off.

The Splatter Fart - Unfortunately the Splatter Fart exists. It is the wettest of all farts. It probably should not be called a fart at all.

The Stutter Fart - If you think stuttering is funny, this is a very funny fart. It is a fart that can't seem to get going. The sound is best described as pt,pt,pt-pt,pt-pt-pt,pop,pop-pop-pop-POW! It is usually a forced-out fart that gets caught crossways, as they say, and only gets farted after considerable effort.

The Taco Bell Fart - The Taco Bell Fart is far richer and full-bodied than your ordinary Junk Fart and takes longer to build up. Sometimes hours or even a day. But it will get there. And it will hang around after, too. Even on a windy day.

The Teflon Fart - Slips out without a sound and no strain at all. A very good fart in situations where you would rather not fart at all. You can be talking to someone and not miss saying a word. If the wind is right he will never know.

The Thank God I'm Alone Fart - Everyone knows this rotten fart. You look around after you have farted and say, "Thank God I'm alone." Then you get out of there fast!

The Tickle Fart - A group one only and one of the easiest to identify. Usually a slow soft sort of fart. If you like being tickled this is the fart for you!

chill........

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